


Girl in a coma

by HerthaLind



Series: Songs of SKAM [5]
Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Acceptance, Accidents, Anxiety, Being restless, Destiny, F/M, Friendship, Gossip, Guilt, Hospitals, Love, Meaning of Life, Other, Rehabilitation, Siblings, Worries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-01 17:06:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14525280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerthaLind/pseuds/HerthaLind
Summary: Are you ready for some new drama from me?This is a story about how Sana ends up in a coma after an accident. It takes place during Spring 2019 and will be told from different points of views in each chapter; how the accident affects them, their reactions, feeling and thoughts. POV-characters will be SANA, NOORA, YOUSEF and ELIAS.I’m trying to make my stories shorter, fewer chapters and fewer POV-characters; more focused and less messy this time.This story is part 5 of my series “Songs of SKAM” but I think it could be read independently. (I have even made a “Previously on Songs of SKAM” in the pre-notes). Part 1 and 2 had a Sana point of view and was very Yousana-centered. Part 3 “Unexpectedly” and 4 “Just friends” was structured with many stories intervening and each chapter is told from a different point of view.





	1. POV Noora: Something bad

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE RESPECT THAT my stories are all based on my own interpretations of the characters. I like to write drama and I know that I provoke sometimes, usually to make a point or move the story forward. It is important for me that “my” characters are “three dimensional”, that they have flaws, make mistakes, sometimes they change, sometimes they surprise, but often they continue to struggle with the same fears and challenges. I like getting comments, hearing different opinions, it is often very rewarding and can give new perspectives.
> 
> BUT if you just want to complain or tell me how wrong I am, please call a friend instead to ventilate and do NOT leave a comment. Too much negativity just drains me and it makes me want to stop sharing what I write.  
> If you don’t like my stories, my characters or my way of writing, you can just stop reading.
> 
> Write the story you want to read yourself instead! I truly recommend it. When I started I had no idea I would enjoy writing this much or continue this long, I didn’t even plan to share or publish anything at first but got inspired by others sharing and got over my fears.
> 
>  
> 
> PREVIOUSLY ON “Songs of SKAM”  
> Just a few things that can be good to know for this story, some “spoilers” from my earlier stories, but not much.
> 
> Sana studies Medicine with Isak and she is engaged to be married to Yousef in summer 2020 when he has finished his education. Yousef shares an apartment with Mikael and is studying to be a kindergarten teacher.  
> Noora lives with William, she is studying Political Science with Jonas and William is a Law student.  
> Elias is studying Marketing and Sales management and moved in with his girlfriend Autumn 2018, something that upset his mother a bit.  
> Isak is still together with Even who works as the manager at a café.  
> Vilde and Chris moved to work at a resort on Gran Canaria summer 2018. Vilde broke up with Magnus long ago and has a spanish girlfriend now. Chris and Mutta are together, so Mutta decided to join them a few months later.  
> The more the merrier, so in December 2018 also Eva joined them and now the four of them shared an apartment in Las Palmas. Before leaving Eva had broken up with Jonas and for a while she had a friends with benefit relationship with Adam, who is too busy with his music career for a serious girlfriend.

###  (Thursday 18 April, 2019)

For months Noora had been having this nagging sensation that something terrible would happen. Things were being just too good. Too easy, too perfect. 

 

She had a great professor in her Political Science course, who encouraged her in her attempt to analyse power from a gender perspective. Her everyday life with William had reached a point where she felt that kind of deep love and stability that she never thought was possible for her. Complete trust, putting your heart in another persons hands. Even if she missed Eva, Chris and Vilde since they left for Gran Canaria she still had Sana close by. They often met between classes and had lunch or coffee, if not every day, at least every second day.

 

But even though she was already expecting a huge disaster, it still took her by surprise and fundamentally shook the ground she stood on. The message.

 

…

 

Noora was planning dinner and lunch boxes and was about to go grocery shopping. “ **Salmon and quinoa-sallad? Is that ok? They have good price on salmon in the store this week** ”, she asked William, who was studying for an important exam by the kitchen table. The notification sound on her phone indicated that she had gotten a message. Probably just another message from Eva about the French guy she recently hooked up with, she thought. “ **It’s fine with me. But quinoa? Do you really like that? Why not pasta or potatoes instead?** ”, William asked. They had pasta yesterday and potatoes the day before. “ **What about bulgur? You said that you liked it the last time** ”, Noora suggested. “ **Ok, but don’t forget that we are out of bread and butter** ”, William reminded her. Another notification sound made her turn to her phone.

 

“ **Oh my god** ”, she exclaimed and felt a chill wave along her spine making her body stiff. “ **What’s wrong?** ”, William aksed. She had to read the two messages from Yousef several times to be sure that she understood them correctly. “ **It’s Sana, she has been in a car accident** ”, she made herself answer. “ **Is she seriously hurt?** ”, William wondered from a distance while she answered Yousef something supportive and tried to get more information. “ **Noora? Is she hurt?** ”, he repeated. She tried to stay calm and focused but felt disconnected. Poor Yousef, he was probably freaking out. Maybe he was just being dramatic. Hospitals can be scary places, especially the emergency. But why was Sana not texting her herself? 

“ **Noora? Who was driving** ”, William asked after Noora had ignored his earlier question. “ **What? I don’t know. Yousef is in the emergency now. I should call him** ”, she said and did. Their twelve minute conversation did not make he much wiser. Yousef didn’t know much. He had rushed to the emergency after Elias had called him from the ambulance. Once there he had got to see Elias, who seemed fine but shaken. Sana had been taken to another room, and they had not gotten any update on her status, more than that her right arm was severely damaged and an ER doctor had stopped the bleeding and called on a trauma surgeon for a consultation. Yousef was notably affected, not always making much sense and in the middle of the conversation, when Sana’s father came back, he said that he had to go and hung up.

 

Noora was frozen and stuck to the floor after the conversation. Sana’s father, good, he was a surgeon and knew his way around the hospital. “ **So, what did Yousef tell you?** ”. William was talking to her, so she had get a grip of herself and answer him. “ **Sana and Elias was in a car accident downtown. Some idiot just came out of nowhere and crashed right into them. Elias is fine, just some minor injuries, but they don’t know about Sana. She was conscious and then unconscious and bleeding. But they managed to stop the bleeding** ”, she retold the story. “ **So her brother was driving?** ”, William asked. “ **Yes** ”, she answered. 

 

She looked at the long list infront of her with groceries to buy. Food and lunch-boxes just started to feel so meaningless now. She struggled with the rational choice to buy and make dinner and the more emotional choice to hurry down to the ER and wait with Yousef and Sana’s family. “ **Maybe I should go down there. To the hospital** ”, she said and looked at William, counting on him to help her make a decision. 

“ **Why? You will not be able to do anything for her now. You can visit her later when she is awake instead** ”, he told her. That made sense. When she was awake. She was going to be awake soon enough. He gave her a quick hug, kissed her on the forehead and told her he would go and study in the other room. After that she was left alone with her list of groceries and her worries.

 

…

 

Noora went outside but the streets seemed different, as if she was in another city that was new to her. She noticed small white snowdrop flowers by the sidewalk and stickers on the gutter downspout on the houses, details that she had never thought about before. Spring was arriving. Nature was waking up again after a long winter. While not far away at the emergency Sana was asleep instead.

 

She thought of when they had gone with Eva to the emergency in Stavanger during the russe-celebrations. Remembering how impressed she had been of Sana’s reaction, to call the ambulance, that she had understood the gravity of the situation and acted on it. Maybe if it wasn't for Sana that time, they would had lost Eva. It scared her that she had not reacted herself, that she had not understood. It was as if she couldn’t understand that somebody young and healthy, somebody that she knew could be in serious danger like that. That it could happen to her or to her friends. People got drunk and passed out all the time. But Sana did not get drunk. Some careless idiot had just crashed into her. 

 

Noora had reached the store and felt like she had to check her list a million times. Like her brain could only remember one item at a time. She took up her phone to check if there was any news from Yousef. He had promised to keep her updated. 

What if they would lose Sana, she thought. It was a thought so horrible that she could not even comprehend it. With her other girlfriends in Las Palmas Sana was all she had left. The closest thing she had to a sister. It hit her then that she must inform the others of what had happened. They had no idea. 

For a long time she ended up stuck by the vegetable section, caught up in a group chat with Eva and Chris. Vilde was still at work. And even if she did not have much information for them it felt better sharing her fears and worries with them. Like a virtual hug. Like she was actually doing something useful for Sana. Before putting her phone away, to move on, she wrote a new message to Yousef, asking if he had any news.

He answered her quickly. “ **She is stable. They are keeping her in a coma for a few days. To give her brain a rest so it can focus on recovery. Her dad says it is good for her** ”. Noora wonder how a coma could be good news, but thanked him and updated Las Palmas. “ **A coma, wtf** !” was Evas reaction. Noora promised to keep them updated.

 

…

 

Once back home she focused on making dinner. She would probably not have much appetite, but it was a good distraction and a way to stay busy. To keep her out of her head, in the moment, in the real world. She knew that she should try to eat, that it was important, especially in times like this. To keep healthy habits and prevent that she got caught up and lost in the anxiety to the degree where she stopped taking care of herself and her basic needs. To stay sane.

 

She flavoured the salmon with lemon, garlic, salt and pepper, nothing special, and put it in the oven. It was enough food for her and William for two or three days. She prepared the bulgur and vegetables and made a simple carrot salad to it. When all was done she went to tell William that it was almost ready. He looked up from his computer and books and came to set the table and soon they sat down to eat in silence. 

 

It surprised her that he had not asked her about Sana. It irritated her. They were sitting there eating in silence as if nothing had happened, so she brought it up. 

“ **She is stable but asleep. They are keeping her in a coma for a few days. To help her recover, without any external distractions. Her father says it’s good, and he is a doctor** ”, Noora informed him. William looked at her with a rather empty expression. 

“ **Good. But do we need to talk about this when we eat?** ”, he asked.

 

His words provoked her. How could he be so cold. How could they have dinner and pretend that everything was ok when her friend was in the hospital, in a coma, fighting for her life! 

“ **Well this, this is what’s on my mind now, so I really cannot talk about anything else** ”, she told him upset. He did not react much, just gave her a look and continued eating the fish. They were back to eating in silence. 

She took small bites and kept cutting the fish into even smaller pieces. “ **It’s good. You should eat it** ”, William told her. She had to stare at him definitely thinking he must be a fucking robot. “ **Who cares about the food. Sana is in a coma. Don’t you care? Don’t you have anything to say about that?** ”, she asked him.

He didn’t change his expression much but answered her calmly, “ **I don’t think you want to hear what I think about that** ”. “ **Why not?** ”, she asked increasingly irritated.

 

He looked at her thoughtfully before he opened his mouth again. “ **I hope Sana will be ok. That she will recover well and be fine soon** ”, he said. It was the first comforting and empathic words coming from him. Exactly what she needed to hear. Noora felt her breath and heartbeat slowing down. She tried to put on a brave smile, thinking that things was going to be alright. But there was still something bugging her. 

“ **Yes, me too, off course. But what is it that you think I don’t want to hear? Do you not believe that she will be alright?** ”, she asked calmer, yet still fearing the answer.

“ **I don’t know. I am not her doctor and I don’t know how serious her injuries are. But I only have bad experiences from coma** ”, he explained without going deeper into it. She could only keep his eyes for a few seconds before he avoided her gaze and got back to focusing on the dinner. There was a crack in this picture, something was missing. Implied, but not said out loud. And that was when it hit her. A car accident. The brother driving. 

 

“ **Your sister?** ”, Noora asked and got an almost unnoticeable confirmative nod from him. He had mentioned his sister before, talked a little about her, but never much about what had happened. No details, nothing from his perspective. She had heard about it mostly from other people, but never anything about a coma. Still, how could she had been so blind and missed it. She had been trapped in her own hell, worrying about Sana, so she had missed what was right in front of her. His reaction, him asking if the brother had been driving. William had been in the car too, with his brother Nikolai behind the wheels. They had probably ended up at the emergency as well. 

 

She looked at William from across the table and could see how uncomfortable he started to get. She wanted to hold and comfort him, he must need that right now. “ **Oh baby, I’m so sorry. I didn’t see that..., the similarities** ”, she said and reached for his hand across the table. He gave her hand a quick squeeze and forced a smile saying it was ok and then moved on to drink some water. “ **Do you want to talk about it?** ”, Noora asked. 

 

“ **No. It was a long time ago. And I have talked enough about it for a lifetime** ”, he answered without hesitation. “ **Yes, but you have not talked to me** ”, she thought but decided to let him be. She knew better than to pressure him about it if he was not ready or willing to talk. Amalie would had been in Sana’s age now. If she would had survived.

 

###  Chat (Friday 19 April, 2019)

Noora:  **Did they let you see her yet?**

Yousef:  **yes, this morning**

**It's unreal, she's so still, but breathing**

**She has tubes in her mouth and nose and machines attached**

Noora:  **sounds serious, but they know what they're doing**

Yousef:  **yes, everybody is really friendly here, doing their best**

**Sana's mom is trying to be brave but I can see she is worried**

**her father too**

Noora:  **how is Elias?**

Yousef:  **fine I think**

**I haven't seen him much**

 


	2. POV Yousef: Twelve long nights

### (Thursday 25, 2019)

Yousef had fallen asleep for a moment and woke up by Sana’s father gently squeezing his shoulder. He was in the visitors-chair, folded forward resting his head on her pillow just millimeters from her face. And he was holding on to her cold hand, carefully, avoiding to mess up the intravenous cannula taped to it. He felt embarrassed for a moment, falling asleep like that. “ **Sorry, I have some difficulties sleeping at night. And she seemed so cold and lonely** ”, he excused himself as he sat up straight in the chair.

 

“ **It’s ok. Some researchers mean that it is good. To stay close, touch and talk to a person in coma. That it might even be soothing for them, helping the recovery process** ”, her father told him. “ **Do you think so?** ”, Yousef asked hopefully, encouraged by the thought that he was actually doing something useful and maybe, just maybe she could feel that he was there for her. “ **I don’t know. It is possible. I think it depends on how deep the unconsciousness is. Either way, it cannot hurt** ”, he answered and looked at his only daughter. “ **My little girl** ”, he uttered softly.

 

“ **Do you want me to prescribe something calmative to help you sleep?** ”, Dr Bakkoush asked and turned back to Yousef. Yousef thought about it. It had been a rough couple of nights. But he didn’t want to seem weak. They were all worried about Sana and everybody else seemed to handle it. “ **Thanks, I’m ok. I got some chamomile tea from my mother** ”, he answered. Tonight he was having dinner at home, he might even try to sleep there for once. Maybe it would be easier there.

 

She was still so beautiful, lying there, sleeping, Yousef thought looking at her. Even with part of her face bruised and her head wrapped in bandage and a sloppy headscarf her mother had arranged. Even with tubes in her nose and mouth. She was still beautiful.

It made him remember those classic fairytales, they had talk about them in a course on children’s literature. Snow White, Sleeping beauty. All that was needed in those stories was to kiss the princess and she would wake up. Come back to life. Happy ending. He knew that he was getting too tired now and that his mind was playing tricks on him. Off course you could not kiss someone who was unconscious. That was not romantic, just creepy. But she looked so lonely and her hand was so cold. He wished that there was something he could do. And the waiting was making him crazy.

 

Bleeding and minor swelling on parts the brain they had said. Decreasing and controlling any intracranial pressure had been their major focus. To avoid secondary brain damage. It had been fixed during an emergency surgery right after the accident, they had drilled a small hole in her skull to relieve the pressure and now they could only keep her under surveillance, wait and hope for a fast and full recovery. The coming three days would be crucial, they said then. That was a week ago.

 

He had spent so much time the last week at the hospital, it felt like forever, like a second home. He had only been back at his apartment short periods, to sleep and shower. On Monday he went to a lecture but it was a waste of time since he could not stay focused anyway. He asked a classmate to take notes and keep him updated and brought a few book to the hospital instead. By now he knew everyone working at the intensive care unit. The nurses, doctors, students and other personal. The coffee in the visitors room was not very good but cheap and Sana’s mother had brought cake and made him promise to not forget to eat. A couple of times he went home with Sana’s father in time for dinner, another evening he stopped by the café where Even worked. He didn’t like to be alone.

 

…

 

The first day at the emergency had been a complete nightmare. Not knowing anything, imagining the worst and hearing Elias incoherent story of the car accident. “ **She was awake, she was trying to tell me something, she made a sound. But my ears were ringing, so I couldn't understand it. That damn airbag. It hit me so hard. Then the ambulance arrived and they started asking millions of questions** ”. Elias had been patched up and was laying down on a stretcher waiting to get a CT-scan of his neck and spine. Yousef was waiting with him. They wouldn’t let him near Sana anyway.

 

He got relieved when Dr Bakkoush came back to check on his son. He would for sure understand the situation. But he disappeared again almost as soon as he got there. Their mother arrived as well and sat by Elias holding his hand. Once again Elias told the story, this time more focused and in chronological order, like he finally had managed to get his story straight. “ **Everything will be alright. Inshallah** ”, their mother said comforting but there was something uneasy in her voice, fear maybe.

 

When Dr Bakkoush was back he had news from talking to his colleges. His words were calm, informative and rational but his face was worried. “ **But she will be alright?** ”, Elias asked. “ **She is stable for now. Her arm will heal but the head injury, they can be tricky. We will know more in a few days** ”, was the answer.

“ **Know more about what? What could be wrong?** ”, Yousef wondered worried. “ **Let’s not speculate. She will be fine. Inshallah** ”, Dr Bakkoush answered, but it only made Yousef more nervous. Were they hoping for a miracle? “ **Can we see her?** ”, he asked, thinking that maybe that would calm him down. Seeing her alive, breathing.

“ **It is very late Yousef. Go home, get some sleep. You can come back and see her tomorrow, she is not going anywhere** ”, her father had decided for him.

 

Going home to sleep was an impossible task. Yousef tried to stay positive. They did not know, would not know anything the coming days. She was in a coma to get the peace and quiet she needed to recover. He had to trust the doctors, her father and the Norwegian healthcare system now. But his mind was haunted with images of a bleeding, unconscious Sana slowly dying on a hospital bed. He sat up in bed and started to google medically induced coma and head injury, but it only provided him with more questions than answers and fed to his fears. What if she would not wake up? Or if she would not remember or recognise him? What if she would not be Sana anymore when she woke up?

He pulled his legs up and hugged his knees. Right that moment he wished that he had somebody to pray to. A way to find comfort and peace although it seemed like his world was falling apart.

 

…

 

“ **Yousef where are you! I am waiting outside and it looks like it will start to rain. Seriously how long can it take for you to say goodbye and leave? If you are not here in 5 minutes I will… eh… nevermind I see you now. Good for you** ”. Yousef continued to listen to Sana’s message over and over again. Just to hear her voice. She was angry and alive. He wondered what she would had said if she would not had seen him across the street. What threat she would had come up with. Cancel their planned evening? Break of the engagement? Tell Elias something embarrassing about him? He liked how her voice had gotten softer when she had seen him. Softer or just surrendering. Giving up. He was always late. Strange, in the beginning, when they had just gotten together, he was never late when they were meeting. Had he started to take her for granted?

 

He remembered her face that day, when he reached her. “ **You’re late. Again** ”, she complained. “ **Sorry… I was leaving but got stuck in an discussion and…** ”, there was no point trying to come up with an excuse. “ **I’ll make it up to you** ”, he said instead smiling trying to soften her up. She was so cute and scary when she was angry with him. “ **I hate to wait. And you could have at least called!** ”, she added still angry with him. “ **I know. I’ll never be late again. I swear. And the next time I’ll call you** ”, he promised. “ **What is it? Will you never be late again or will you call me the next time you’re late?** ”, she teased him. At least he had made her smile at his stupidity. If she woke up now he promised he would never make her wait again.

 

...

 

When three days of coma had passed by and Sana’s condition was still considered stable the doctors said that they were optimistic, whatever that meant. The MRI-scan showed that the swelling had gone down and there were no more signs of intracranial pressure or bleeding. Yousef expected that it meant they would wake her up now. But instead the recommendation was a few more days of rest in a coma. He thought he was going mad. They were bringing good news but making sure not to promise anything. The medical discussions were way over his head and he started to wonder if he would ever see the end of it.

 

The days were ok. He spent much time among other people at the hospital, talking to the nurses and med students, trying to comfort Sana’s mother, sending updates to Noora, Isak and his own family, trying to focus on his studies.

But the nights were terrible. That was when the dark thoughts came crawling into his bedroom and into his mind. They were so present that he could almost touch them. Falling asleep was a struggle and he often woke up with a jerk in the early morning hours with his heart pounding like a sledgehammer in his chest. That was when he was too tired to fight it. Too tired to stop himself from catastrophizing and the dark thoughts took over and started to spin out of control in his head.

The brain controlled everything, so anything could be wrong. Motorics, intelligence, emotions, memories. What if she would not be able to walk when she woke up, to use her legs or arms? Or if  she had forgotten everything, how to talk, read, eat, move? He had read about people who had to learn everything all over again, force their brain to create new connections, past the damaged area. But his biggest fear was that her personality would be changed. Or that she would had forgotten everything they had been through together and just not feel the same anymore.

 

One night he got up and went to the carpet in the living room and tried to remember how to pray. Just to focus on something else, anything. Make it stop. The words, the movements. It had been years. He remembered Sanas words about praying. “ **The moment I start praying, everything becomes quiet. Because even in all the chaos, you remember what really matters. Everything is ok, because everything is part of a bigger picture and has a meaning** ”. He would give anything to feel that now, just for a moment.

His naked feet were grounded on the soft thick carpet and he took a deep breath. He started whispering the familiar words from another time, and even though he got it wrong, and had to start all over, he had not forgotten.

The last time he prayed was when he had found out about Even’s suicide attempt. He had the same feeling now as then. That he was being fake and desperate. It was so hard to see a meaning in this situation. He could not reach the feeling Sana talked about, no matter how much he tried. He did not believe, so he was cheating. Only turning to God in times of need, as a last resort.

So he gave up, down on his knees, still thinking that if there was a God out there this was his chance to convince him. But why would any God listen to him at all. He was only keeping the best and throwing away the difficult. Picking and choosing like from a smorgasbord. Keeping Eid and whatever suited him but throwing away fasting and praying. Why would any God even look at him now, down on his knees in his pyjama. He had not even showed enough respect to wash himself properly before praying.

 

He stopped crying and was getting more angry instead, trying to bargain with God in his mind. “ **Give me back Sana and I will…** ”, but there was nothing he could think of to offer in return, even though he would happily given anything. So he just stayed down crying softly. Everything that happen was completely out of his control, out of his hands.

 

He must had woken Mikael up, or was it already morning, because his friend sat down beside him and had put a hand on his shoulder. It felt better than to be alone. “ **I don’t know what I am doing. I don’t even believe in praying** ”, Yousef tried to explain. “ **It’s ok. I’ll pray for Sana for you** ”, Mikael answered.

 

### (Tuesday 30 April, 2019)

On Monday, day eleven of the coma, the doctors had decided it was time to wake Sana the following day. Yousef had been informed of the procedure and what to expect. The next day a little before lunchtime he received a message from her father saying that it had been a successful. She was awake, but needed to rest so he could see her in the late afternoon.

 

All day it was all he could think of. He would get to meet her, talk to her. She would be tired and might not be able to speak so much, he had been informed. It was partly due to her medications but also because of the soreness in her throat from the endotracheal tube that had been connected to the ventilator. But she was awake and she was responding. She was not fully oriented but had recognised her parents and understood that she had been in an accident and was in a hospital.

 

Yousef knew that now, more than ever, he needed to stay strong and calm for Sana. That there could be damage that had an either permanent or temporary effect on her basic functions or cognitive abilities. Her motoric skills, speech or even capacity to focus and understand things around her could be affected. These symptoms were common initially but often just temporary. So he needed to stay calm and not upset her by showing a scared or disappointed face. He had to remember it, to give her time to heal and be there for her. They would probably know more within a few days or weeks, if the injury had left any permanent damage on her brain.

 

When he arrived she was sitting up in the bed and Dr Holm was with her. He knocked on the door and asked for permission to come in. “ **Hi, yes come in, I am just following up with some tests. Sana, you have a visitor. Do you recognise this young man?** ”, Dr Holm took the opportunity to ask her. Her eyes were slowly scanning the room for the door and the visitor. When they reached his face she nodded with a smile. Yousef felt like he could breathe again. She recognised him and was happy to see him.

 

She tried to say something but mostly air came out. “ **You don’t have to try to speech much today. It will get easier tomorrow and the coming days** ”, the doctor said to calm her but it just made her irritated. Yousef went closer and tried to understand what she was hissing about, what she was trying to say. “ **Elias? Are you asking about Elias?** ”, Yousef asked and she nodded. “ **He is fine, he just got a scratch, nothing serious** ”, Yousef informed her, wondering if she actually remembered the accident. “ **Sana, I’ll leave you alone with you fiance soon and we’ll meet again tomorrow for more tests, ok? Right now the best you can do to get better is to rest a lot. If you need anything push this button. A nurse will check on you every hour** “, the doctor said and finished her examination of Sana. “ **Don’t stay too long or make her too tired. And let us know when you leave** ”, she instructed Yousef and left.

 

He sat down on the chair by Sana’s hospital bed and took her hand between his. He could not sit still, being so excited and relieved he could cry, and did a little. It was impossible to hold the tears back. “ **Hi sleepyhead. It’s so good to see you awake, talking. You really scared us all. Your friends, my family, they have all been asking about you, every day** ”, he started. She tried to clear her throat and he offered her the water that was on the small table by her bed. He was so emotionally that he had to dry away the tears from his face with the back of his hand before he could continue.

“ **I’ve been here everyday. Twelve days. Too keep you company. Even if you probably were not even aware of me** ”, he continued. “ **You skipped classes?** ”, she accused him and made him laugh. “ **Yeah, I could not focus anyway. But I brought my books here. I even read the good parts out loud to you sometimes. About small kids cognitive development and social skills** ”, he defended himself. She smiled and rolled her eyes at him.

 

“ **We should take a photo. To send to your friends** ”, he suggested. They would be so happy to see her awake after all these days. “ **Or even better, make a video** ”, he changed. Sana shrugged at the idea and instinctively pulled her hands up to check her hijab and the bandage wrapped around her head. “ **You look great… beautiful. Alive!** ” he said enthusiastic and took a photo and showed her. “ **No, it’s horrible. No! Just delete it** ”, Sana ordered him with her weak but angry whiskey voice. “ **I will not delete it. Maybe you want to look back at this later** ”, he suggested. “ **Why?** ”, was all she asked irritated.

 

“ **Are you getting tired?** ”, Yousef asked concerned. Maybe all of this was too much for her. “ **I’m not tired. Been sleeping for twelve days!** ”, she hissed definitely, notably upset.

 

“ **Hey. Calm down** ”, he told her and locked her eyes to his. He could see her eyes watering up and imagined how horrible this situation must be for her. To wake up, have difficulties to speak and find out that she had missed the last twelve days. Sana, who was always in control and planned everything. “ **I love you. It will be ok** “, he added, trying to comfort her. He kissed her and stayed with her silently until she admitted that she was tired and probably needed to rest after all.

 

### Group chat (Wednesday 1 May, 2019)

Adam: **football at seven! Who is with me?**

Mikael: **I'm in**

Even: **I work**

Mikael: **You have to work on May 1?**

Even: **yes, not all workers are the same lucky**

**people still need coffee**

Adam: **hey hospital boy? Are you in?**

Yousef: **are you talking to me?**

Adam: **yeah you, who else**

Yousef: **Idk if I’m up for it**

Mikael: **Come on, it would be good for you to get out, move**

Yousef: **is Elias coming?**

Adam: **Earth to Elias? hello? are you coming?**

Even: **has anyone seen or heard from Elias lately?**


	3. POV Sana: No plan

### Group chat (Friday 3 May, 2019)

Sana: **this is so sick!**

**I just read the chat from yesterday and I honestly do not remember any of it!**

**It's like I've been impersonated, somebody took over my phone**

Eva: **that is sick!**

Vilde: **it sounds scary. If you can't even trust yourself, then who can you trust?**

Chris: **So I could say that you've said or done stuff and you wouldn't know if it was true or not? I could say that you owe me a lot of money!**

Sana: **I guess… do I owe you money?**

Chris: **No… or maybe… ha ha, you’ll never know**

Sana: **why would you lend me money when I’m in the hospital?**

**I still remember the things from before the accident, you know**

Noora: **are you feeling better?**

Sana: **eh I don't know how I felt yesterday but apart from the short term memory loss I think they are exaggerating keeping me here**

**I could just rest a home, save taxpayers some money and give the bed to someone who really needs it more**

Noora: **Sana don't do anything stupid now, yesterday you fell when you tried to go to the bathroom alone!**

Sana: **eh? How do you know that?**

Noora: **Yousef told me**

Sana: **oh… I don’t remember…**

**I’ll check my diary**

**so this is what the diary is for, now I get it!**

Noora: **is it ok if I visit you soon, Some day next week?**

Sana: **Yes! that would be great :)**

**enough about me, plis who has any gossip to tell me, I am dying out of boredom here**

**they don't even let me watch TV**

**I only got to keep my phone cause I promised to use it restrictively to stay in contact with people**

Chris: **Yesterday, I was with Mutta and...**

**had sex on the beach!**

Eva: **seriously? That is so overrated, sand everywhere**

Vilde: **I know, right! Got a terrible rash once**

Chris: **The drink! ha ha I meant the drink!**

**Ha ha ha, you two are so busted**

Sana: **ha ha, you're the worst Chris!**

Eva: **> |**

Vilde: **aah, ha ha**

Eva: **Well you wanted gossip?, I am having another date tonight, with 'the French guy'**

**so don’t wait up for me ;)**

Sana: **does he not have a name?**

Vilde: **I like that you call him 'the French guy' like a character from a movie or something**

Eva: **I like it too :)**

**and if I ever start calling him by his name you know I'm in trouble!**

**I still call p-Chris, penetrator-Chris**

Noora: **yes but isn't that to avoid mixing him up with our Chris**

Eva: **I don't think so...**

**it's done unconsciously, but shows how I see him**

Sana: **interesting... like I insisted on calling Yousef 'Elias friend Yousef' before**

**Oh, gotta go, more tests... and then rest, see you!**

 

### (Saturday 4 May, 2019)

Dr Holm was annoying Sana with a number of verbal commands and questions to check her. After each test she felt like she was being praised like a dog doing circus tricks. “ **Sana, can you touch your nose with your right index finger. That is far enough, thank you. Very good. Now try with you left index finger. Very good. Perfect** ”. It made her irritated. Her pupils were checked again and she felt like she had enough. “ **I know you’re testing me. But I’m fine** ”, she told her off. “ **Yes, but do you know why I am testing you?** ”, the doctor asked her. “ **You’re testing my... the things** ”, Sana answered. What she meant to say was neurological functions, that she knew it was a neurological examination, but she couldn’t find the right words and it surprised her. “ **The things in my brain** ”, she tried again without much better result. “ **Yes, I’m testing your neurological functions. Do you sometimes feel like you can’t find the right words? Like you have forgotten what different things are called** ”, her doctor asked but Sana denied it. She felt stupid for not remembering basic medical terms like that. “ **No, I am just tired** ”. It was not completely true. Earlier during the examination she had also had difficulties to understand and answer some of the questions, like she knew the answer deep down inside but not how to express it in words.

 

“ **Sana, do you know why you are here? Do you remember? I told you yesterday** ”, was her next question. Sana did not remember having that conversation, in fact she did not even remember meeting this doctor before, she only knew that she had been in an accident. “ **Why am I here?** ”, she asked. She was in a hospital, with her right arm in plastic and her head wrapped with a bandage, but that was all the clues she had.

“ **On April 18th you were in a car accident, got emergency brain surgery and we kept you in a coma for twelve days to recover. Five days ago we woke you up. You are responding very well, we see improvements every day** ”, the doctor informed her. “ **What?** ”, Sana asked and could not believe it. She tried as hard as she could to remember the past days, the last she could think of was going with Elias to pick up some boxes for their father and then waking up in the hospital this morning. “ **Elias? Was he also in the car** ?”, she asked worried. “ **Yes, he was driving. He is fine** ”, the doctor answered.

“ **Good** ”, was all she could think of. But she still could not wrap her head around having lost seventeen days. It seemed like a sick joke.

 

“ **Can you sit on the side of the bed with your feet down for me now? I want to check your balance and coordination skills** ”, the doctor continued. Sana obeyed but hoped it would be over soon. She was weaker than she was used to, her legs and upper body were soft. How could she get like this in only seventeen days she wondered and already wanted to go back to bed.

 

“ **What day is it today? What date?** ”, she asked alarmed, remembering her upcoming exam on May 10th. “ **It’s the 4th of May today. A Saturday** ”, the doctor answered calmly, examining her every reaction. “ **I should not be here. I need to study. I have an exam next week** ”, Sana started. “ **I know, on Friday, 10th of May. You will not be able to make it** ”, the doctor answered patiently, like she had said that phrase many times before. “ **And Yousef has already asked Isak to take notes for you** “, she added. Sana was left staring at her with her mouth wide open. 

 

Doctor Holm sat down facing an obvious confused patient and explained. “ **Every day, for the past five days, you ask about Elias, you worry about studying for your exam and you ask Yousef to talk to Isak about taking notes. Here is a diary were we write down things that has happen or things that you have planned for the coming day. The things you need to remember the coming day**  ”. Sana looked at the book she was handed. “ **Are you ok? I know, it’s a lot to take in, but you are making great progress every day, even if you cannot remember it. The first day you could hardly speak and only stayed awake for very short periods** ”, her doctor told her and made a pause to let the information sink in.

 

“ **And... here is your phone. That is normally what you ask for next. But you need to remember to rest your brain from external impressions, so stay away from games, videos and too much sound, ok? Use it only for staying in contact with people and stop as soon as you feel that your head or your eyes are getting tired** ”, her doctor instructed her and it felt like she was talking to her like a child.

 

“ **Dr Holm. How long will I have to stay here?** ”, she asked. “ **Let’s take it one step at a time. But from your recovery rate so far my guess is you will move on to the neurology ward and rehab soon, some time this month** ”. May had just started, so that could mean anything, Sana thought. And rehab was probably just another section of the hospital. When would she get to go home, back to her life? “ **It is important that you rest a lot. Don’t try to do too much yet, save that for rehab** ”, her doctor added. “ **I’ll see you again later when I do rounds at two thirty** ”, she said before she left.

 

Sana looked through the diary. She didn’t recognise her own handwriting anywhere, but then again her right arm was in plaster and she could not move her hand very well. Some of the writing was hard to understand, like the words were unknown to her and it made her tired to try to read and understand it. Some parts she needed to read several times before she understood it in the right context, she felt like it was about somebody else, no concerning her, her life or her body.

She checked the messages on her phone and was astonished by all the conversations she had carried out and did not remember now. The chats with her friends made her laugh, it was like reading a comedy. She could hear Vilde’s sweet voice, Eva’s enthusiasm, Chris making fun of everything and everybody and Noora trying to be serious and understanding. She missed them. But they didn’t feel far away, for her it felt like she had just talked to them or like she had met Noora just yesterday.

 

Her throat was still sore and itching. It was because of the endotracheal tube they had told her. She touched her head where the head wound was and looked down at her hideous hospital cloths. The elastic net underwear that even had a diaper-like pad in it. Probably just in case. She started wondering how she could had gone to the bathroom when she was in the coma. Had people helped her with that? Changed diapers on her, or had they put one of those urinary catheters on her? They probably had, one of those foley catheters to collect her urine to test it regularly. The thought of it made her feel sick. She wondered how many different people had been touching and poking on her during the twelve days that she had been unconscious.

She was not tired, not sleepy, but exhausted. It was exhausting being awake. So she closed her eyes and rested a bit.

 

…

 

Yousef came by on his way to a lecture, but only stayed very shortly. It was strange. He came in, happy to see her and asked how she was doing today. Within a few minutes he handed her the sunglasses and said “ **Here, put these on when the light starts to bother you** ”. After that he showed her how she could use voice-over on her phone, if she got tired of reading. She didn’t like the computerized voice so she protested a bit and turned the function off. “ **Fine, just do it your way, I am just trying to help you. Anyway, if you feel that you need it, now you know how it works** ”, Yousef explained very pedagically.

And that was it. He gave her a little kiss and then he left. He didn’t want to stay long and make her tired he explained, but promised to come by in the afternoon.

It was very strange. Him acting like he knew better than her what she needed. He was being almost too helpful, trying too hard to please her. It stressed her and also somehow made him less attractive. Like the chemistry in their relationship had changed and he was just her caregiver now. He seemed very at home at the hospital, he even seemed to know the nurse who came in to check on her. She was almost relieved when he had left and she go back to doing nothing. Resting. Recovering.

 

Her mother also came to say hello in the morning and check how much she remembered from yesterday. Nothing, but now at least she was a little updated from reading the diary. She was extra happy to see her mother too, because she needed support to go to the bathroom. Calling on a nurse just because she needed to pee felt odd to her. To be depending on a stranger for a thing like that.

 

Her mother updated her on her brother Simo and Jamilla, they were coming home next weekend, and she went on about how Yousef had been so worried when she was in a coma and that he had been at the hospital almost all the time. It made her uncomfortable. Why had he been there? Just to watch her sleep. Such a waste of time, she thought. It was not like he would miss anything either if he didn’t come one day. Or was he waiting for her to wake up spontaneously? It was a medically induced coma, for crying out loud! If she would wake up something would be terribly wrong. She’d rather be with him somewhere else, on her own terms. Not in a hospital bed hooked up to machines.

 

“ **How could you let him see me like this** ”, she complained to her mother. Her mother was surprised by her accusation. “ **Sana, he is your future husband. I didn’t think you would mind. And it was impossible to keep him away, he was here all the time and wanted so bad to see you** ”, she explained. Sana looked away.

 

“ **How is Elias doing?** ”, she asked to change the conversation. “ **He is doing well. He was here yesterday** ”, her mother answered. “ **Yes, I read it in the... thing** ”, Sana responded and indicated the diary. Elias was the one person that she wanted to see now. Everybody else seemed to mostly irritate her. But it seemed like such a luxury problem, having people caring too much. But it was not only that, it was everything in this absurd situation. That she needed a diary and people who took care of her. That she even needed help going to the toilet. Well at least she did not depend on Yousef for that!

 

Her father had entered quietly without her noticing it and after one look at her he asked “ **Are you getting tired, Sana? Then we should let you rest** ”.

“ **I don’t feel like resting** ”, she said annoyed. Why was everybody nagging on her to rest. “ **Resting from external stimuli is the best you can do now to recover quickly** ”, her father explained. But she was so bored. And she wanted to sleep in her own bed and wear her own clothes.

 

“ **Dad, how long do you think I will have to stay here?** ”, she asked “ **When can I go back to school?** ”. He took a deep breath and tried to formulate a good answer. “ **I don’t want to speculate too much or give you false expectations. It could be weeks or even months. We will know more once you start rehab, but even then it can be difficult to anticipate how fast you will recover** ”, he answered.

 

Sana started at him. Weeks, maybe even months. Missing one exam was one thing, but how could she ever recover from losing months of school. This was not happening to her! It was not part of her plan.

 

She could hear a clock ticking and searched the room for it. I was so loud. It showed ten past ten. She did not want to fall asleep again, she just wanted people to stop talking to her. To stop asking her the same questions; was she feeling ok, was she tired, did she remember the day before. She understood that it had been traumatic for them as well, her being in an accident and put in a coma. But to be fair, they had had over two weeks to get used to the idea, to learn to deal with it and sort out their feelings. She had been awake only a few hours and had found out she had a loss of seventeen days that she could not remember. How could she know how she was suppose to feel about this. She hardly knew any details about her injuries. She had to remember to ask for her journal the next time Dr Holm came to see her. Rounds were at two thirty.

 

“ **Can I at least get to wear my own clothes?** ”, she asked pleading. “ **Yes! I can bring you some** ”, her mother answered immediately and turned to her husband. “ **It must be ok, right? I can’t see any reason why not?** ”. Her father confirmed, “ **Yes. Off course. But the hospital only do laundry for hospital cloths, not private cloths, but apart from that it is ok** ”. After that they left her alone to rest.

 

…

 

At noon a nurse came and asked if she wanted to try and eat some solid food today. It was the same nurse who had helped her when her legs had folded underneath her and she fell two days ago, her name was in the diary. It was a scary feeling that she was not able to fully trust her own body. Or her mind.

 

At two thirty Dr Holm came with a group of doctors and medical students to her room. They all observed her when one of them gave a status update of her progress. It was very interesting for her to listen to. She also took the opportunity to observe them in return. Their serious faces, their behavior. Her future colleges perhaps. One of them caught her eyes and smiled back at her. It was Khalid, her brother Simo’s friend, a fifth year student. That was awkward. Before he left the room he turned to her and said he would be back after rounds to check in on her. She smiled back at him and nodded.

 

That was nice of him, but did she really want him to come back? She felt exposed, nailed to the bed at display for everyone to see, awake or asleep, weather she wanted them there or not. No control over the visitors situation. She could always say that she was tired and wanted to, no, _needed_ to rest. She had a perfect excuse, a brain injury.

 

When Khalid did come back a few hours later, she had rested and was very happy to see him. It was boring being tired and alone. He told her everybody was impressed by her recovery. “ **Everyone except me, I knew you were though** ”, he said and winked at her. Apparently there had been a lot of talk about her, it was not common for them to have a young and otherwise healthy female coma patient that long. Most patients either had a history of chronic diseases or had a surgical intervention, or they had been in an accident due to extreme sports or stupidity. Khalid even made fun of her attempt to go to bathroom alone a few days ago. “ **Do you have any idea how dangerous that was? If you would hit you head again?** ”. “ **Well, when you gotta go, you gotta go!** ”, she answered and made him laugh.

 

He also brought some gossip about the nurses. “ **They just love your guy. The faithful boyfriend always waiting by his coma-girlfriends side. They think it is so romantic. All of them, the male nurses too** ”, he told her, making fun of Yousef. “ **Fiancé** ”, Sana corrected him. “ **Oh, yeah, just checking if you remember** ”, he added smiling. “ **Are you jealous? Of the nurses being into Yousef I mean?** ”, she teased him. “ **What? Not me. But maybe you should be? I’d keep an eye on them if I was you** ”, he warned her. “ **Not much I can do from this bed anyway. So I just have to trust him** ”, she answered. “ **Well, he seems like a nice guy** ”, Khalid added. “ **He is** ”, she confirmed and felt guilty for being so irritated at him earlier. She was lucky to have him.

 

“ **Khalid, can I test an idea I have on you?** ”, she asked. All day she had been trying to find a solution to her memory problem. A diary just wasn’t enough. If she was going to be able to go back to schools she needed to remember medical terms and the things she had done or read the day before.

“ **Sure, shot!** ”, he answered.

“ **So, I have problems remembering things. I cannot remember yesterday, or the day before or any other day after the coma. It’s like my brain resets at night. Have I already told you this idea before?** ”, she asked, getting insecure, realising that maybe they had already had this conversation yesterday. “ **No. But please do, I’m intrigued to hear what you’ve come up with** ”, he answered.

“ **Ok. Today I sleep an hour or two around lunch, but I still remember this morning. So I was thinking, maybe if I did not sleep so long during the night, I could keep the trail of memory longer and remember the day before** ”, she concluded.

Khalid scratched his head and seemed to seriously be considering her idea. “ **That is your solution? To not sleep?** ”, he asked her. “ **Yes, to not sleep long periods, only short. To test it, scientifically, and find out where the limit is, one hour, two hours, maybe four hours...** ”, she elaborated.

 

He like the idea, but was not convinced. “ **Ok, that is probably a good idea in theory, but you miss the fact that your brain still needs to sleep, a lot, to recover. So to wake you up could do more damage than good** ”, he pointed out.

“ **I know. But there are examples, people, like Tesla and Da Vinci, they only slept for a few hours a night, and then had naps in the day and they were... they did smart things anyway** ”, Sana argued. “ **As far as I know they never had a traumatic brain injury to recover from** ”, Khalid corrected her. Sana got disappointed. Maybe it was a crazy idea, but at least she was trying to find a solution and not just giving up.

 

“ **I’ll tell you what. If you still have this problem in five months, I’ll help you do the tests and document the results** ”, he promised her and got her into a better mood. “ **Then we need to do it right, put you in a sleep-lab and measure your sleep cycle to make sure you get enough deep sleep and that you are not woken up before a full cycle, which is normally 90-110 minutes** ”, he added after thinking about it for a while.

“ **Why after five months? Why five and not… two?** ”, she asked, curious about that specific number of months. “ **Ah, I read a case about a young woman who had been in a coma and had the same problem. She stated that she only remembered the last month out of the five that she spent in the hospital, before that she had a reset every morning. Just like you** ”, he explained. “ **And now she ok? No.. bad things?** ”, she asked, hoping to not seem too stupid because of her lack of vocabulary. “ **Yes, no disabilities today. It took time and rehab but she is ok** “.

 

“ **This needs to go down in the… thing** ”, Sana said and gave him the diary. “ **In this thing? Sure, I’ll put it down for you** ”, he agreed. “ **Both about the case and that you have promised to help me. Don’t think I’ll let you get away with it just because I probably will not remember it in the morning** ”, she clarified.

 

The day was getting better and before it was over Yousef came to check on her and say good night. She was much sweeter to him this time around. “ **I’m sorry, I snapped at you earlier, when you were just trying to help me** ”, she apologizes. “ **Sana, it’s ok. I’m sorry you have to go through this** ”, he answered. “ **I’ll make it up to you when I’m better** ”, she promised. “ **If I remember** ”.

 

### Chat

Sana: **before I forget it**

**you don’t need to feel like you have to visit me every day**

Yousef: **you don’t want me there?**

Sana: **it must be so boring for you, to do everything all over again, every day**

**it is a new day for you, but day 1 for me**

Yousef: **I like being with you**

Sana: **I don’t want you to get tired of me repeating myself**

Yousef: **I woint**

Sana: **promise?**

Yousef: **yes <3**

Sana: **and if you feel like doing something else one day, get a break from the hospital, just do it**

**I will be ok one day without you, you know!**

Yousef: **I know, strong and independent and all that**

Sana: **I’ll be here the day after too, I’m not going anywhere**

Yousef: **ok!**

Sana: **well, I’m hopefully going to the Neurology ward soon, but it’s just one step up in the same building, so not far**

Yousef: **wow, a promotion! Did they tell you when?**

Sana: **not yet, I think I am an inbetween patient**

**too well for intensive care and too unpredictable for Neurology...**

Yousef: **still great, improvements :)**

Sana: **I am partly writing you all this so that I can read it myself tomorrow…**

**when I forget**

Yousef: **Awww <3 **

**smart, good technic! You don’t like writing in the diary?**

Sana: **no, my hand sucks at writing now**

**I’m surprised my left thumb is so fast on the phone!**

Yousef: **well you have been practicing for four days… I’ve seen you do it**

Sana: **aah, true, I never thought about that!**

**All the texts I have written the past days was with my left thumb!**

**I should go to sleep soon**

Yousef: **Me too**

**but it’s nice to communicate with you**

Sana: **yes, you too**

Yousef: **good night sleepyhead!**

**promise to wake up tomorrow!**

Sana: **I promise <3**

 


	4. POV Elias : My little sister

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sara is a new charachter I have invented when I felt that Elias needed a girlfriend.  
> She is not Sara Nørstelien in Pepsi Max squad.

### (Tuesday 7 May, 2019)

“ **You’re the best! You know that, right?** ”, Sana told her brother. Her new room at Neurology had a nice wooden armchair with beige leather seat that Elias was very comfortable in. It looked like a design piece, a bit too fancy for a hospital.

“ **Yeah, sure. But the best what? What do you intend?** ”, he wanted to know, wondering what she was thinking about.

“ **You’re the best visitor. You just make me in a better mood, I’ve been in a lousy mood all day and now… I’m not anymore** ”, she explained. She was sitting in her bed, bathing in a warm light from the window.

“ **Well, when you’re happy, I’m happy, so it’s in my self interest** ”, he joked. “ **Let’s see, who else has visited you? Mom and dad? Yousef? Ha, I can imagine it’s more you comforting him. You should have seen him when you were in a coma, I’ve never seen a man that pale in my life! Like a walking dead. I swear, I was almost more worried about him than you** ”, he continued.

“ **Oh no! I don’t know if I should cry or laugh at that image** ”, Sana said. “ **And dad, he is almost the worst. He is too quiet, it’s not natural. It’s like he is thinking about really bad things, cases and imagining the worst, that I will not recover, but he doesn’t want to say it out loud** ”, Sana continued.

Elias nodded, “ **I know what you mean. And then mom is all - ‘She’ll be ok, Inshallah’ - if anyone even mentions that you seem a bit tired** ”, imitating their mother’s voice.

 

He remembered their parents arguing about it. Their father thinking they should all be prepare that Sana might not recover fully and studying medicine is very demanding, but there are other options. Their mother did not want to hear anything about it, she just kept saying that they should be thankful and not stop hoping. It would break Sana’s heart if she would have to give up her dream.

“ **Yeah, mom says that a lot. I know she just cares and mean well, but the way she says it... it just makes me more worried** ”, Sana continued.

 

Elias felt agitated. Deep down he knew that the accident was not his fault, and nobody had said anything or accused him, but he hated being the one behind the wheels. It felt like shit. He should protect his little sister, not expose her to danger. The insurance issue was hell to deal with too. They had not yet determined who was the responsible driver in the accident, but it must had been the other driver, he had been drinking. He came out of nowhere and crashed into the right side of his Mercedes, into Sana.

 

Nobody had asked about the car or offered to help with the insurance claim, everybody had been more concerned with Sana. As they should, himself included. The car had just become one big problem to solve. Everytime he got a message with more questions or forms to fill up he just felt like screaming out loud, “ **My little sister is in the hospital for fuck sake!** ”. He did it once, took out his frustration on a poor mechanic who was just trying to do his job. After he apologised and the guy seemed very understanding.

 

Apart from the first days nobody except his mother and his girlfriend Sara asked about how he was doing or recovering. His damages was nothing compared to Sana’s, but he was far from ok. His ears were ringing in noisy environments, he depended on pills for his constant headaches and his neck was very stiff. At the emergency he had been told to take it easy and stay away from sports for a week or two. He almost wished he had gotten worse injuries. It didn’t seem fair.

 

He hated being at the hospital. Always had. While Sana and Simo loved visiting their fathers workplace and look at X-rays or talk about surgeries it had never interested him. He hated how it smelled there and all the serious faces. Blood, diseases, accidents… death.

 

He liked Sana’s new room at Neurology better though, even if here she had to share with another patient. It did not have as many life support machines as the one in Intensive care. The woman Sana shared room with did not seem to mind visitors coming and going and she mostly kept to herself, listening to audiobooks or doing sudokus. There was a dayroom for patients and visitors. It had a TV, a sofa and some tables, as well as some magasins and a box with games for kids. The recommendation was that if the patient was well enough they should take their visitors there, in order to not disturb the other patient in the room. But the few times Sana had gone there it had been too noisy for her to take.

 

…

 

The night after the accident Elias had slept at his parents place, in his old room, instead of going home to be with Sara. His mother had asked him to. “ **In times like this it’s important that we stay together as a family** ”, she had said. But after that night he had avoided them, the hospital and pretty much everybody else as much as he could. He needed to rest, the ER-doctor had told him too. If there would be any news on Sana, they knew how to reach him anyway. And being at the hospital didn’t make any difference for Sana.

 

Life seemed to move on for everybody else but in his family time stood still. They waited. First for Sana to wake up and then for her to recover and be herself again. He envied Adam who always seemed to be travelling these days. He had been all around Norway doing concerts, performing on festivals and also been to Paris and Morocco to shoot a music video. Funny how you always seem to long for what you don’t have, Elias thought. So while he would like to escape his reality in Oslo, Adam was complaining about travelling too much and just wanting his own apartment and a girlfriend to come home to.

 

Elias felt like his mother’s concern for him was suffocating and it mostly annoyed him. Sara was being very sweet to him but he could see that she worried. She could come and find Elias on the sofa in a dark apartment with the blinds down. One afternoon she even asked him if he had been turned into a vampire since the accident. “ **No… I just hate the sun anyway** ”, he answered lazy, lying on the sofa with his laptop.

 

“ **Have you heard any news about Sana?** ”, she asked, like every day. He shook his head. Sana was awake but not much more than that. “ **And how are you today?** ”, she asked and made him move to make room for her beside him on the sofa, and caught a glance of the screen.

“ **What are you doing?** ”, she asked. “ **Nothing really** ”, he said, closed and put away the laptop.

“ **Who was that guy?** ”, she continued asking. “ **Nobody. Just an idiot** ”, he answered, but Sara was not going to give up that easy. “ **Is he the drunk driver?** ”.

Elias felt busted and got up and into the kitchen to get something to drink. He had been obsessing about the other driver, about what an idiot he was and finally gotten his full name on the insurance papers.

“ **Elias, why are you stalking the other driver?** ”, she asked worried, like she believed he was capable of doing something bad.

“ **Why do you care? Why are you looking at what I’m doing on my laptop? I don’t ever check what you do online** ”, he protested.

“ **Elias, calm down. Off course I get worried when you act like this** ”, she explained. It irritated that him that she was using his name like that. Like his mother when she was upset with him.

His phone started to buzz in the other room and Sara brought it over to him. “ **It’s your mom** ”, she said when she handed it to him. But he didn’t answer, he didn’t feel like talking to his mother again today. “ **You’re not answering your mom?** ”, she said, disapproving.

“ **What, you are checking my phone now too? This is unbelievable** ”, he protested getting even more annoyed because he wouldn’t find a clean glass. The kitchen was a mess, loads of dirty dishes and the trash and recycling bins needed to be emptied. He took the two liter Pepsi from the refrigerator and drank straight from the bottle.

“ **That is just disgusting** ”, Sara commented.

“ **Why, you don’t even like Pepsi. And there are no clean glasses, should I use a teacup?** ”, he defended himself.

“ **You could just wash up the dishes instead. Seriously, you’ve been home all day so I don’t think that is too much to ask. Even with an headache** ”.

“ **This is just too much, so typical. I moved away from my mom just to get this!** ”, he said laughing in her face. “ **Well act like a child and you’ll be treated like one** ”, Sara fought back staring him down.

“ **I don’t need this right now** ”, he said and went outside. He needed some air, to breath, get away from people.

 

He walked fast down a few blocks and into a cemetary. It was one of those old cemeteries that was almost like a park, with mighty trees that give shade to the old gravestones and a big lawn in the middle with benches in a row, where he sat down. He had walked through it many times, it was a nice short cut when going down town but he had never stopped there before.

That fucking idiot driving into his car, Elias thought. How fucking stupid can you be getting into a car driving drunk anyway. He had no idea what he would do or say if he would run into him on the street. Good for him Sana did not die. She could have died. He felt so angry he could smash something. That would feel good. And he didn’t like Sara questioning him like that. Like she didn’t trust him. She had been so sweet, so understanding until now, and then this.

 

But none of this was Sara’s fault, he realised, so he should apologise to her. He took up his phone to call her. There was a message from his mother on it, asking if they wanted to come over for dinner. It had been a while now.

Sara answered after two signals. “ **Hey you. Sorry, I just hate when people tell me what to do** ”, he started. “ **I just got worried about you. That you would do something stupid** ”, she said. He sighted heavily. “ **You don’t need to worry about that. I won't do anything stupid. I promise** ”, he said.

“ **Listen, do you wanna have dinner at my parents tonight? We don’t have to stay long** ”, he asked followed by a silence. “ **It would mean no extra dishes…** ”, he said and tried to convince her. “ **And I’ll do the dishes later too** ”, he promised. She surrendered. “ **Ok. I like your mom’s cooking** ”.

 

…

 

His phone vibrated in his pocket so he checked it. “ **Ah, Noora is here. I promised to show her to you room** ”, he told Sana. “ **Yeay, my girl** ”, Sana said smiling.

 

The hospital was a labyrinth for those who didn’t know the place. Elias walked down the long corridor and took the elevator down to the entrance. Noora was waiting with William, holding his hand and looking around. She waved at Elias as soon as she spotted him from a distance. “ **Hi. Thank you Elias. It said on the homepage that only immediate family or a designated person was allowed to visit** ”, she started saying nervously. “ **Well good that you’re family then** ”, he answered like it was not a problem. “ **How is she doing? It’s not too much for her, me visiting?** ”, Noora asked following him back up the elevator and  through the hospital. “ **No, no. She is happy about it. When she is getting irritated, or rude, it is often a sign that she is getting tired and need to rest** ”, he explained. “ **Oh?! Ok. But how do I know that?** ”, she asked worried. Elias didn’t get the question, he had just told her how.

 

They arrived at Sana’s room and he knocked on the door before letting Noora in. “ **See you later** ”, she turned to William and said. “ **Ok, I’ll be here somewhere when you’re done, I’ll just grab a coffee or something** ”, William answered before she went in through the door.

Elias was left with him outside, feeling a bit like a hospital guide. “ **Eh, they have coffee in the visitors room** ”, he informed him. “ **Ok, thanks. Where is that?** ”, William wondered.  “ **Come, I’ll show you** ”, he answered and started walking down the corridor in the opposite direction down to the small dayroom. In the corner there was a kitchenette with a pump-thermos with a note on it that said ‘coffee 10 crowns’ and milk was in the refrigerator. There was also a round tin box with butter cookies marked ‘cookies 5 crowns’ and off course the cash jar.

“ **Eh, I don’t have any cash** ”, William said disappointed. “ **Don’t worry about it** ”, Elias told him and put a twenty in the jar, gave him a cup and took one for himself. “ **I can vips you** ”, William insisted. “ **No, forget about it. It’s ten crown! We’re ok** ”, Elias reassured him.

 

“ **How did it go with the Mercedes?** ”, William asked while pumping the coffee. It took him by surprise, nobody ever asked about that. “ **Ah, thanks for asking. It’s totally wracked. I’m trying not to think about it but those damn insurance people just won't give me a break** ”, he complained.

“ **I can imagine. It’s when you least want to, that you need to deal with them** ”, William said.

 

They sat down at a table by a window with a view over a big parking lot. “ **Have you ever been in a car accident?** ”, Elias asked, thinking William might have some insight on the subject. William flinched for a second before he answered. “ **Eh, yes. When I was a kid** ”, he answered shortly. “ **Oh shit! How old were you?** ”, Elias asked. “ **Nine** ”. “ **Who was driving?** ”, Elias continued asking, thinking it must really suck crashing a car with a kid in it. “ **My brother** ”, William answered and added “ **He was eleven** ”.

 

“ **Shit! No wonder he crashed it** ”, Elias answered. “ **I was about ten my first time behind the wheels. In Morocco, basically in complete desert. With my dad** ”, he continued. William nodded but seemed unimpressed. “ **Where were you? In the streets? Did anyone get hurt?** ”, Elias continued asking. William took longer to answer this time and was looking out the window at cars arriving and leaving. “ **Yes, all of us ended up here. My little sister pretty bad, she ended up in a coma for a few days** ”. This interested Elias, wondering about long term effects and the future disabilities Sana might get. “ **How is she now? Did she fully recover?** ”. William was holding onto his cup, with his forehead furred, staring back at him. “ **She didn’t. She never came back home** ”.

 

His eyes had a strange mixture of sincerity, pain and being unmoved. Like Elias was bothering him, still trying to say that it was something that didn’t concern him anymore. Just something that happened in another lifetime. It took a moment for it to sink in, before Elias understood what he had just said, and the more he thought about it the worse he felt. Being in an accident and losing your little sister. To never be able to play or fight with her again. To never see her grow up. He inhaled suddenly “ **Fuck! She died. That is really terrible** ”.

 

William nodded and turned back to the window. “ **It was a long time ago** ”, he explained shortly, followed by a long silence that made Elias uncomfortable. But what can you say to someone who had lost his sister?

“ **This coffee is really terrible** ”, William finally said and broke the silence.

Elias couldn’t but agree with him, he had no idea why he insisted going there. “ **I know. It sucks. I guess I just keep drinking it to punish myself** ”, he said and noticed that it made William smile a little.

“ **Maybe I should bring my brother here then, the next time he’s in Oslo** ”, he answered. That was funny, some kind of bad coffee punishment slash treatment center for reckless behavior. Maybe that was the whole point with bad hospital coffee. Mystery solved.

William’s face had soften up a bit and he appeared friendlier now.

 

“ **I’m sorry about... what happened. How do you ever get over a thing like that** ”, Elias said, still not able to let go of it. “ **You don’t really** ”, William said shortly.

“ **If that would happen to Sana, I don’t know what I would do. And for me it’s even more complicated, cause I was driving…** ”, Elias continued but didn’t know how to end that sentence. He still might have ruined Sana’s future. If she didn’t fully recover. Sana hated when things didn’t go as planned, and she had been wanting to be a surgeon for as long as he could remember. Not a doctor, not any specialisation, a surgeon, specialising in neurosurgery. She just had to choose the most demanding specialisation, but she loved the brain. Or she just wanted to impress their father. The irony of it all was striking. Her dreams probably being ruined because of a brain injury.

 

“ **There is no point thinking like that. It was an accident. Not something you intended** ”, William was saying. “ **I used to think like that too. That I should had said something or done something... before the accident. She shouldn’t have been in the car with us in the first place** ”, he continued sharing.

“ **Come on, you were kids. Kids do stupid things** ”, Elias argued. He had done so many stupid things with his friends himself, things that could had ended badly.

“ **Still I was not an idiot. I knew it was dangerous. But it was an accident, a stupid dangerous game that ended in an accident** ”, he pointed out. Elias agreed. “ **Exactly, an accident. Bad things happens** ”.

 

Elias had finished his cup but he could see that William had most of his coffee left. He was not surprised. He had gotten accustomed to the taste over the past three weeks, but it was new to William.

“ **They actually have a place with great coffee, just across the street. But once you’re in the building, you don’t go out again just to get coffee. I promised to take Sana there when she’s better** ”, he said. “ **And until she get to have good coffee I shouldn’t get to have it** ”.

“ **That makes perfect sense** ”, William said ironically. “ **Every cup of crappy coffee you drink has a direct effect on her recovery process** ”. It made Elias laugh, “ **Yeah? Well I should have another cup then. Does it still work if I take it down with a cookie, or is that cheating karma somehow?** ”, he asked.

 

### Chat (Tuesday 7 May, 2019)

Elias: **Hi baby. I'll eat at home tonight, do you wanna come too?**

 ****Sara: **at your parents place?**

Elias: **yeah, you know what I mean**

Sara: **ok. No, I have yoga and I'll be home late and tired anyway**

**Are you ok today? Feeling better after seeing Sana maybe?**

Elias: **yeah, a bit better**

**I talked with a guy who lost his sister in a car accident**

**It put things into perspective**

**I mean even if she will not fully recover, she's alive!**

Sara: **yes! And she will get better! Don't worry**

Elias: **I really hope so**

Sara: ** <3**

Elias: **See you later beautiful**

Sara: **ok <3**

**say hi to your parents from me**

Elias: **I will**

**btw I cleaned up in the kitchen**

**my new way of flirting with you ;P**

Sara: **I love it**

**good job baby boy, it’s working ;)**

Elias: **baby boy? smh**

**I’ll show you later**

Sara: **;) you do that**

Elias: **:***


	5. POV Noora: Sisters

### (Tuesday 7 May, 2019)

Sana appeared small but badass sitting in the hospital bed. A bit like a gangsta rapper. Her right cheekbone was still bruised and she was wearing comfy grey sweatpants, an over-sized men’s jacket with the hood up and half of the right sleeve cut off and on top of that sunglasses. The only thing missing were some gold chains. “ **Hi!** ”, she said thrilled to see her. Noora walked over to her, past the other patients bed and hugged her a little too long. She felt more emotional than she had expected. “ **Hi! Oh, you cannot imagine how good it is to see you... Alive** ”, Noora said. “ **Even after Yousef told us you were awake and we started chatting… I don’t know I still felt like I had to see it for myself to truly believe it** ”. She kicked off her sneakers and climbed up to sit on the other end of bed, by Sana’s feet and had to squeeze one just to feel that she was real.

“ **I’m fine now. Just tired. I can eat and go to the toilet alone. You have no idea how good that feels** ”, Sana told her. “ **Yes, you get tired faster. And your memory is… It’s getting better, right?** ”, Noora asked, remembering what Elias had told her earlier. “ **Yes. I forget things… and words. But I scored better on the memory test this morning. Basically I’m slower, in my brain. To understand things, to make the connection, see the bigger picture. But I’m not stupid, I’m just slower** ”. Noora could not really picture Sana being slow, irritated or rude sure, but not slow or dumb.

 

“ **It’s so strange at rounds, seeing med students observing me. I never thought I would end up like this, in a hospital bed. I always thought I would be, you know, on the other side, standing** ”, Sana tried to explain. “ **I guess this was your destiny for now** ”, Noora said, first not really thinking about what it meant. " **People say that trauma shapes you, that it gives a deeper understanding of things, a greater appreciation for life. The little things in life, like going to the toilet on your own** ”, she elaborated, thinking about how all the bad things in her own life that had shaped her. She remembered the day when it hit her that she could enjoy food just because it tasted good. How surprised she had been that she could get that much pleasure from a cheese sandwich, without thinking about nutritious or calories or anything. She could eat anything she wanted, on her own terms. For sure she would not had been the same person without those experiences. And she was not sure that she would had been a better or happier person if life had been easier on her. Sana seemed pensive and was silent for a moment.

 

“ **The other day my mom talked about Malala. Did you know that she wanted to be a doctor first, to study medicine? Then she became an activist instead and got shot. And now she has gotten a Nobel Peace Award and talked in front of the UN… She has become an icon and has a platform** ”. Noora made a mental note. She should write a post on Malala Yousafzai in her upcoming blog. A post about this brave Pakistani girl who is fighting for girls right to education and stood up against the Talibans. She was truly a heroine, a perfect story for her blog. She should call it *Fight like a girl’ and argue that a keyboard is mightier than arms, that education is stronger than narrow-mindness.

 

“ **But for me it is so hard to see any meaning with this. I just feel like I am losing time here** ”, Sana continued. Noora nodded and tried to think of somethings comforting to say. But also she found it difficult, to find a meaning. Maybe sometimes bad things just happened. Without any meaning or higher purpose, and you just need to deal with it the best way you can. This was one of the reasons why she found it so difficult to believe in a higher power or God. She could not see the bigger picture many things seemed so random. Why would a God allow accidents and diseases to happen? Innocent people to suffer. Just to test us? It was cruel and there was so much suffering, so much injustice in the world. What was the meaning with William losing his sister, for instance.

 

“ **I talked to Eva yesterday. She said that she will probably break up with the french guy** ”, Noora said and changed the subject.

“ **But tell me, what is going on with Eva and the french guy? What’s up with that?** ”, Sana asked. It was a mystery Noora admitted, she got very mixed feelings from Eva; sometimes she seemed in love and other times it was more like a game. But then again sex was not always so dramatic for her. “ **I don’t know. He is going home to France in the end of the month anyway** ”, Noora updated Sana. “ **So why break up with him now then? Why not wait until the end of the month?** ”. Sana wondered with a smug expression on her face, like she knew something that Noora didn’t. “ **I just think it is a bit suspicious, the timing of it. Because... I heard that Adam is going down now to visit Mutta now** ”, she explained.

“ **Oh my god! I knew that she was hiding something from me when we talked! I knew it!** ”, Noora said. This made perfect sense. Eva had always had a soft spot for Adam, even though she denied it. It was pretty much the same with the French guy though, mixed feeling and denying being in love for real. And it had been the same with Penetrator-Chris, Noora realised thinking about it. Who would be able to break this vicious circle? What would it take?

 

One of the nurses, the one with red hair, came in to check on Sana’s roommate. Before leaving again she looked at Noora and told them “ **You do know that only immediate family is allowed to visit in the rooms** ”. Sana was fast with a response “ **This is my sister** ”. Noora got surprised and had to keep from laughing but played along. “ **Oh, yes. We have different mothers** ”. The nurse didn’t seem to buy it but turned to the other patient and asked, “ **Is it ok with you? It does not disturb you with visitors?** ”. “ **Oh no, their gossip is the highlight of my day. Pure entertainment** ”, she answer with a cryptic half-smiled. Who was this woman listening in on their private conversations?

 

After the nurse had left Sana turned to Noora and playfully accused her, “ **You realise that you have just started a rumor about my dad at his workplace, right?** ”. Noora first got concerned but soon laughed about it when she realised Sana was only joking. “ **I don’t think she bought it** ”.

 

Sana asked about how her blog was coming along. Nothing new had happened since the accident. Sure Noora had a million ideas, had started writing on some posts and she had drafted on a structure for it. But she wanted it to be relevant, smart and funny before she started publishing anything. This spring she had also been busy writing a few pieces for the students online magazine.

“ **But I’ve got the coolest sommarjobb. It is so amazing that I can’t believe I got it. It doesn’t pay much but I get to travel around in France for over a month and all my expenses are covered** ” she said. “ **So, tell me what it is!** ”, Sana demanded impatiently. Noora was going to be part of a team traveling with the Norwegian women’s football team covering the world cup. “ **But… you don’t know anything about football! How did you get that job?** ”, Sana exclaimed amazed.

“ **I wrote a piece in our uni-magazine on the Norwegian women’s football team and them being one of few teams in the world who gets equal pay to the men’s national football team. And I wrote that considering that they are so much more successful than the men’s team it is a mystery that they don’t get more attention. After that I was ‘headhunted’ for the job and got to go on an interview. They asked me to prepare a draft of ideas of what I would like to do to create more attention during the world cup, if I got the job. And they liked it, so I got the job. So, I’m going to write about everything else around the world cup. The fan culture, share photos, talk to the players and other people about France and football and life. They already have a sports journalist who writes about the games and sport things** ”, she explained. Sana was impressed. “ **Oh, but I will miss you. Summer will be so boring with you away and the others still on Gran Canaria. But I am happy for you. What about William? I can’t really see you two in a distance relationship** ”. “ **Oh, we’ll be ok. He’ll travel with me to some cities I think and it’s only six weeks anyway** ” Noora said.

 

Sana’s summer would probably be full of rehabilitation and Noora asked if she knew how long she would have to stay at the hospital. It seemed to upset Sana. “ **No, they just keep testing me. I will get a Rehab program soon, but I don’t know when or what it will include. And if I’m lucky, I get to sleep at home next weekend, supervised leave they call it. But everybody just tell me to take it one step at a time so I can’t plan anything** ”. Noora felt useless, not being able to support her friend, not knowing how to.

“ **Maybe you need to rest now?** ”, Noora suggested.Sana had been showing signs of irritation. “ **Yeah, maybe** ”, Sana admitted unwillingly.

 

…

 

Noora found William in the dayroom, exactly where he had informed her that he would be. He was sitting with Elias by the window drinking coffee. They both stood up when they noticed her. William turned to Elias and said “ **Thanks... for the crappy coffee** ”. Elias nodded and a second later she saw how he walked up and gave William a big hug. She noticed that it was unexpected also for William, but he didn’t pull away immediately, he just patted Elias back twice in an awkwardly but manly way. “ **I’m really sorry about you sister** ”, Elias said seriously. “ **Thanks. I’m happy yours is ok** ”, William replied and nodded goodbye to him.

 

On the way to the car she took the opportunity to ask him about what just happened. “ **So.. you have talked to Elias? About your sister?** ”.

“ **Yes. It came up** ”, William responded like it was nothing strange at all. Noora tried to imagine in what possible casual conversation a childhood trauma like that would just come up. “ **By the way I have also been in a car accident and my little sister died** ”, didn't seem like a thing William would say to a guy he didn’t really know that well. “ **It just came up? Just like that?** ”, she questioned.

“ **Yeah** ”, he answered and looked at her, amused by her confusion. “ **He seems to blame himself for what happened to Sana** ”, he explained when they had gotten into the car, skillfully shifting the attention away from himself.

“ **Do… did you blame yourself?** ”, she asked in return, trying to find a new angle and reach him. William got a serious. “ **Sometimes** ”. He took his hand of the car keys.

“ **Sometimes I have blamed myself, thinking I could have done something differently. But mostly I just blame Niko. For everything** ”, he said. It made Noora sad. Not even Niko deserved that, no matter how much she disliked him.

 

She suffered with William but was also thrilled over the fact that he was opening up to someone. Off course she wished he would feel like he could confide in her instead, so she felt a little jealous of Elias, but she knew this was a huge step for William.

“ **What are you smiling about? Stop smiling!** ” William told her and started the car.

“ **I just think it is good for you. To talk. To not keep everything inside** ”, she said. William focused on getting out of the parking area. Once they had reached the main street he started talking again. “ **Elias... He just wouldn't stop asking about it. It was like he didn’t know, didn’t understand. And when he understood, I could see the terror in his eyes. So I thought that now there would just be this awkward silence and he would find a excuse to leave. He really didn’t need to stay there, to wait and drink crappy coffee with me. But he didn’t leave** ”, William said astonished.

 

“ **It was strange. I am so used to people being uncomfortable. Teachers, classmates, friends parents, they all looked at me with pity and they were so good at avoiding certain conversations** . **So it was strange that Elias didn’t. He went on talking about Sana, about feeling guilty and punishing himself with crappy coffee. Imagining the worst, what I went through. He just went on talking like he didn’t know, or care, that it was taboo** ”, he continued.

 

Noora got tears in her eyes. It was all so beautiful, that in some kind of odd way they had connected and comforted each other. “ **He probably felt that he needed to talk about it, for himself** ”, she said. William nodded. Funny how they often ended up having the most honest conversations sitting in a car, she thought. Sitting side by side instead of facing each other. Like it was easier for them, less confrontational like that. More relaxed.

 

“ **But… When you were little, and you talked to the grief counselor. Did it not help?** ”, she wondered. From now on she should try and not be like the others, the ones who felt pity for him and avoided the subject.

“ **That was such a scam** ”, William said contemptuous. “ **I felt more like me and Niko were trapped in a room, forced to do stupid drawings and talk about the accident. It only took one session for Niko to figured out how it worked, what they wanted us to say to pass their evaluation** ”.

The image of the two little boys, nine and eleven, trying to figure out how to pass the test broke her heart a little. And once they passed, it was only to return to a quiet house and a mother who had gone mad by the grief and a father who was mostly absent. William had been depending on his older brother, the same emotionally disturbed brother that he blamed for everything bad that ever happened in his life. She put her hand over his and got a mixed look back from him. She hoped that he didn’t see pity in her eyes, that he knew that this was different. She was happy that he had started talking a bit more now. They continued driving through the city.

 

### Chat (Wednesday 8 May, 2019)

Noora: **Eva, darling… are you hiding something from me**

Eva: **What?**

Noora: **There is not something that you forgot to tell me? That you left out?**

Eva: **Eh?**

Noora: **The real reason why you plan to break up with the french guy**

Eva: **? you tell me...**

Noora: **i visited Sana and heard something**

Eva: **about me? ok, what did you hear?**

Noora: **you never mentioned that Adam is visiting**

Eva: **aaah! so that’s what you’re thinking lmao**

**ok, first of all Adam is visiting Mutta, not me**

Noora: **so you didn’t know he was coming when we talked yesterday**

Eva: **no, I knew, he even asked if it was ok with me**

**but it’s not like he has showed much interest since I left**

**he just send me songs and videos when he wants an ego-boost**

**and he likes to travel, has been all over lately**

**I wouldn’t read anything into it**

Noora: **wow, you had that defends speech ready!**

Eva: **What? No, we are just friends**

Noora: **but still you plan to dump tfg?**

Eva: **yeah, but it has nothing to do with Adam!**

**besides I'm 19! I should enjoy being single and free!**

Noora: **ok, if you say so**

Eva: **how was Sana, super bored I assume from the way you two are conspiring**

**I thought she didn’t like the idea of me and Adam together**

Noora: **Sana is Sana, just now she has less energy**

Eva: **I can imagine**

Noora: **do you want to hear what happened on the way back home?**

**William stopped by the place of the accident when he was little**

Eva: **oh, the one where his sister died?**

Noora: **yes, but she actually died later in the hospital after a few days in a coma**

Eva: **omg. Sana’s accident much bring back bad memories for him**

Noora: **yes. I even found him talking to Elias**

**they hugged!**

**it was super awkward**

Eva: **aaah, they needed that <3**

Noora: **don’t  we all!**

**he said that the reason that he doesn't like talking about it is that it just makes him so angry and sad**

**but he also said that he would like to talk about her more, to remember HER, not the accident**

Eva: **it’s a huge step for him**

Noora: **I know, I was so shocked, but I’m still happy for him in a way**


	6. POV Sana: Sabr

### (Thursday 9 May, 2019)

Isak had been sitting in the armchair reading quietly for maybe ten minutes and Sana was getting impatient. “ **So? What do you think?** ”, she asked him.

“ **So you were conscious in the ambulance? Got a ten on the GCS-scale** ”, he remarked. “ **I don’t remember any of that. Or the accident. Elias says that he thinks that I was unconscious for a short moment in the car and then woke up** ”, she answered.

 

“ **Have you read it yourself?** ”, he asked, referring to her medical journal. “ **Some of it. Not all** ”, she answered. She really had tried to read it but it made her head tired after one or two pages. Just trying to remember and understand all the medical terms and abbreviations made her exhausted, she kept mixing them up. GCS, PTA, GOAT, RLCF, TBI, ICP, LOC, CCB, LOS, MBT, the list could go on forever.

 

“ **It is all very interesting, but honestly what did you think I could come up with or add? I mean, you already  have a doctor who is a specialist** ”, he said. She sighted annoyed at him. “ **A second, or third, opinion is always good to have. And you might see things differently because of your lack of experience, you know, you might see the obvious clearer** ”, she said. “ **Did you you do the research I asked you to do?** ”, she continued.

“ **Yes. I spent all night yesterday reading cases and articles** ”, he assured her. “ **Even hates you now. Ok, he doesn’t hate you, but... I spent all night reading** ”, he repeated.

“ **What is the real problem here Sana? Don’t you trust your doctors? Or your dad?** ”, he wanted to know.

Sana took a deep breath before answering. “ **It’s not that I don’t trust them, I just get the feeling that they are not telling me everything. That they don’t want to disappoint me, or give me false hope maybe… They say that it is too soon to predict the course of recovery or the outcome… too soon to give me a timeline** ”, she explained. “ **But I don’t know. How hard can it be to give me at least something. A rough estimation** ”.

 

“ **So... the obvious, you want the obvious?** ”, he asked her seriously. She feared the answer, though, because she knew that he would be honest with her if she asked him to. No bullshit from Isak. “ **I want the truth! You can’t handle the truth** ”, he said reciting the trial scene from ‘A few good men’. Sana was not impressed by his acting skills. “ **Yes. And don’t be gentle with me** ”, she said dead seriously.

 

“ **The obvious is that it is basically impossible to predict how much and how fast you will recover. And you can forget about a timeline any day soon. Sure I found a study from a project trying to generate neuropathologic profiles from 243 TBI-patients based on GCS-scores, duration of post traumatic amnesia etcetera. The aim was to understand how to make better early prognosis, but… it’s been less than a month, Sana. Nobody is going to give you a timeline. Maybe if you’re lucky you’ll get a prognosis with a timeline after three to six months, and even then…** ”, he stopped to look at her.

 

“ **You have your age and good physical condition in your favor, though. All those hours on the basketball court payed off. And… you are talking, reasoning… you are making progress. You are doing fine** ”, he said.

 

It provoked her. She felt so far from fine. Apart from a blackout that stretched over weeks now, she could not even focus long enough to read and understand her own journal. She constantly forgot keywords when speaking and it made her sound like an idiot. How could she ever go back to medical school being like this?

 

“ **I am not fine! I can't even read for ten minutes before I get tired. When I went with Elias to the café across the street yesterday I got so bothered by the noise that we had to leave. From normal café noise! I used to be able to sit and study at a café, to just filter the noise away. But now, I have no filter! And it makes me so tired to hear and register every fucking detail all the time. Like that clock on the wall or the steps in the hallway every time somebody pass by the door, or even your breathing. I look like a fucking rockstar always wearing shades indoors. And I am so tired. I do nothing but rest and rest and still I am constantly tired** ”, she verbally vomited out in the room.

“ **You being tired is you body, or brain, telling you that you need to rest. Don’t fight it** ”, he told her. “ **Well, tell me something I don’t already know, Sherlock!** ”, she said ironically. He annoyed her, him sitting there comfortable in the armchair reading her journal like it was an interesting case and being a smartass. But he knew nothing, she thought. He had no idea how it felt to have the one thing that made you, you, taken away. Your brain. Your energy. To want to do things and not being able to carry it out. To feel like you are lazy and stupid and whatever you do, or tried to do, can not change that.

 

He was just about to open his mouth again, but chose to stay silent. Instead he reached for his backpack and took up a piece of paper. “ **I’ve got something for you from Even** ”, he said and handed the paper over to her. It was a drawing, like a comic stripe. In the first box was a picture of a girl in hijab sitting in a big bed with a broken arm, looking bored, and in the second box, that was marked ‘Same time but in another universe’, was a picture of a funeral scene. Even had also written, ‘I’m happy you didn’t die’ on the paper. It made her smile, Evan was sweet. Sure, it could had been so much worse.

 

“ **I’m also happy that you didn’t die** ”, Isak said. Sana sighed heavily. “ **I know, I know. I should be grateful. I just hate this. Not knowing. Not having a timeline. Not being able to plan when to go back to school or even what to do this summer** ”, she tried to explain. “ **You should just not think about it. Take one day at a time. One week at a time. To just focus on that** ”, he said. She glared at him.

“ **You said that you’ll start your rehab program next week right?** ”, he asked. She nodded. “ **So you do have a plan for that at least. Just focus on that, those rehab weeks. And now, until it starts you are on vacation** ”, he continued.

 

“ **Vacation? I am already behind** ”, she said grumpy. “ **If it makes you feel any better I’m worse of than you. I have to do re-do the huge cell biology exam that you already nailed and I doubt that I will pass both Blood, Immunology and Microbiology tomorrow and Thorax in June. Especially with my main study buddy in rehab** ”, he said. “ **No! It doesn’t make me feel better at all. I was counting on you to help me for once, to catch up egen I'm out of here. And blaming your failure on my accident, seriously?** ”, she said and gave him a disapproving look.

 

The red headed nurse came in and looked at Isak for a second. “ **And this is your little brother I assume** ”, she said. “ **Exactly** ”, Sana answered. “ **Well actually I am the older one** ”, Isak commented.

 

Isak’s visit had worn Sana out, even though she liked discussing school and medicine with someone. She was tired of being restless and frustrated. Tired of being exhausted. It was not fair! She had been put on brain rest and taken away everything that she found interesting to do to pass time. Reading, researching, sitting at cafés studying, solve problems, even watching movies and series. And with the last season of Game of Thrones coming. Off course, just to make life hell for her, the first episode was a double length, like a full length movie. When would she be well enough to see that? Yousef had said that he could wait and see it with her, but the risks of getting things spoiled by then just meant that she would ruin the experience for him instead. At least she was of social media so less risk of spoilers for herself.

 

“ **Look at it from the bright side, at least you get to see a hospital from the inside, experience the whole from surgery to recovery journey first hand** ”, Isak said and interrupted her thoughts. She glared angry at him. “ **I should rest now. So you should go** ”, she told him. “ **Ok** ”, he said but lingered a little before he started walking to the door, as if he wanted to say something more but did not have the guts to.

 

After he had left Sana felt her tears burning behind her eyelids. She knew that the biochemical composition of emotionally triggered tears was good for her, so she didn’t try to hold it back, she just tried to not sob too loud. She wished that she could find a switch to just turn of her brain. To have a brain rest without the needing to suffer from the boredom and anxiety that she felt. To switch of everything, all sounds, all visual impression, all... thoughts. But that just was not possible, it would mean to return into the coma and that would be a step backwards.

She knew that she should be grateful. Not feel so sorry about herself. Not be so scared and worry about everything. She needed to blow her nose and her face was a mess, wet from the tears. She wiped it with a paper napkin, and checked her pocket mirror. Her reflection just made her cry again.

 

“ **Your friend is right you know** ”, the woman in the other bed said to her. Sana felt the anger boil in her blood, that pathetic woman was always there, always listening in on her private conversations. Did she not have a life; friends and family of her own? She had not seen her have any visitors. The thought of her being lonely made her anger turn into pity and made her milder towards the woman.

“ **Right about what?** ”, she asked. “ **You cannot see it? And I thought you had to be smart to study medicine** ”, the woman said. It provoked Sana, but that was obviously the purpose. “ **I... eh have a brain injury. And I cannot read minds** ”, Sana answered annoyed.

“ **The things you can learn here, in this hospital and in rehab are things that you could never learn in a classroom, never understand** ”, the woman answered. She actually had a point, and it annoyed Sana even more that she had not seen it before.

“ **So this is it than? The meaning, the reason I’ve been in an accident** ”, she said, mostly to herself. “ **I don’t know about meaning. But it will for sure make you a better doctor. Make you more equipped to deal with patients who has been through trauma. And their families. I know, I have met so many doctors, both good and bad** ”, the woman answered.

 

“ **If I still will become a doctor after this, that is** ”, Sana commented. The woman laughed out loud at her comment. “ **That the most stupid thing I’ve ever heard. You have talked about nothing else since you got here. Mama mia, give yourself a break! You need to be able to walk before you can run. Don’t worry, I’ll be a doctor one day** ”, said the woman.

Sana stared at her. “ **How can you know that for sure?** ”, she asked doubtfully. The women snorted and answered. “ **All of your visitors, you caring father, you pretty boyfriend and even the little blond boy, they all tip toe around you, being so afraid to offend you or make you angry** ”, she said, shaking her head. “ **But if it would be different, if it would not be you, but someone else, like your brother lying here instead of you, what would you tell him?** ”, she asked.

 

“ **Ok, I get your point** ”, she answered. She realised what a whining brat she had been. If Elias was the injured one she would had told him to stop feeling sorry for himself and just follow the doctor's orders. To not worry too much. Do his best and take one step at a time. She would tell him that there was still hope for a full recovery until the opposite had been proven.

She was lucky to be alive. She was lucky to live in a country were she could receive high tech medical care and rehab without her parents being ruined. She just had to be patient, to wait, to accept that everything was not in her own hands. She thought about the concept of _sabr;_ after patience beautiful things await, she had learned. But it was not easy.

 

“ **I’ve learned to walk again five times by now** ”, the woman told her. “ **The first time was the hardest, because I was not sure it was possible and I tried and pushed myself too hard. It doesn't help the brain to push. Now I know that I will learn to walk again, when I am ready, when all connections in my brain has find their way. I will dance again**. **It’s funny, how you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone** ”.

 

### (Friday 10 May, 2019)

“ **We human beings don't realize how great God is. He has given us an extraordinary brain and a sensitive loving heart. He has blessed us with two lips to talk and express our feelings, two eyes which see a world of colours and beauty, two feet which walk on the road of life, two hands to work for us, and two ears to hear the words of love. As I found with my ear, no one knows how much power they have in their each and every organ until they lose one**.” Sana had borrowed her roommates audiobook and listened to Malala Yousafzai’s biography.

Malala was only two years older than herself and had already survived and accomplished so much. She had only been 11 years old when she started blogging under a pseudonym for BBC about a girls life under the Taliban rule in north-west Pakistan and her desire to go to school. She was 15 when she got shot and 17 when she received the Nobel Peace Award, the youngest person ever to receive it.

She had also been in a coma, for eleven days. She was shot three times by a Taliban gunman and one of the bullet had hit the left side of her forehead, and gone under her skin, then into her shoulder. Due to the swellings on her brain a young pakistani military doctor had performed an emergency craniotomy, where a piece of her skull was removed. After, due to a life threatening infection that nearly caused kidney failure she had been moved to Birmingham to get more advanced complementary treatment and when she was strong enough, more surgery. Well the death threats from the Talibans were perhaps of equal importance to get her far away from home.

Still it was amazing, that exactly during those days when she was shot, a pediatric surgeon from Birmingham had been in Pakistan, heard about her story and been able to arrange a hospital bed for her in his hometown, Sana thought. It was a miracle that she survived and even more that she did not have any severe brain or nerve damage.

 

Sana made a timetable over Malala’s recovery and it gave her hope. In about a month, she was back walking, writing, reading and smiling again, Sana had read in one article. She had been shot the 9th of October 2012 and discharged from the hospital in Birmingham less than three months months later, on January 3rd, 2013. In April, about half a year later, she had returned to her studies at a new school.

Funny, from her hospital room, Malala had early asked for her school books, so she could study for exams she wants to take when she returned back home in Pakistan. It would take almost six years before it was safe for her to return to Pakistan.

 

In a few hours Sana was going home for the weekend. She had been allowed to got home under medical supervision. Just the mere thought of sleeping in her own bed in her own room, of eating her mother food again filled her heart with gratitude. It was true that you don’t know what you got until it’s gone.

It was also the month of Ramadan, and even if she did not plan to fast this year, it made her think about what was really important in life. Her family, her friends and Yousef. She felt a stronger connection and compassion with other people struggling with chronic diseases and recovery from accidents. She felt humble towards the complexity of her body and brain, how everything worked so perfectly to try to heal when it had been broken. She was also more humble towards her own destiny. She knew that she needed to fully accept what had happened, to capitulate and trust that her future would be bright no matter what challenges or prosperities it would bring her. There was nothing else she could do. Just focus on one week at a time and do her best. “ **If I am meant to be a doctor, I will be a doctor. I surrender and I trust my destiny, what is prepared for me will be, Inshallah** ”, she thought to herself like a silent prayer.

 

### Chat (Friday 10 May, 2019)

Yousef: **Hey girl, when are you going home?**

Sana: **I’m being picked up at four**

Yousef: **I can home by your house later tonight**

Sana: **Ok… I’ll be there :)**

Yousef: **btw I passed by here today**

**[photo bluebells]**

**they are blooming now <3**

Sana: **:) <3**

Yousef: **when you were in the coma I passed by and they were like this**

**[photo bluebell buds]**

**it made me think…**

**that it is amazing, this small closed bud contains everything it needed to become a flower**

**it has all the power, all the capacity inside that little button**

**it just needed time and enough sun and water**

Sana: **that is beautiful**

Yousef: **and I started thinking that it was the same with you in the coma**

**that you just needed more time**

Sana: **< 3**

**it must had been terrible for you those days**

Yousef: **yes, I was a mess**

**I even tried to pray one night**

Sana: **you did? did it help?**

Yousef: **he he, no, not really**

**or you came back so maybe it worked a little**

Sana: **:) and you got to see the bluebells**

**it was a sign**

**just for you <3**

Yousef: **hmm maybe**

**but the bluebells would had been there anyway**

Sana: **doubter!**

**if you ignore the signs off course you cannot believe :P**

Yousef: **hmm, I love you**

Sana: **Oh! I just got a message from Jamilla**

**she said that she has found an Imam in Copenhagen that could marry us!**

**that performs inter-religious marriages**

Yousef: **What? wow :)**

Sana: **another sign :)**

Yousef: **< 3 well now I just lost my one reason to maybe become a muslim :P**

**Has she talked to him about us?**

Sana: **Her, it’s a woman**

Yousef: **A woman Imam? In Copenhagen?**

Sana: **Yes, so it seems. We need to meet her first off course**

Yousef: **Ok! I’m in! When you are better we are going to Copenhagen**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sherin Khankan and Saliha Marie Fetteh, are the two imams of Mariam mosque in Copenhagen, Scandinavia's first women led mosque’s.
> 
> and... I have talked about writing an epilogue many times before but this time it will actually happen, I am halfway there. So coming up soon a short chapter that will take place about a year later, and also work as a teaser for coming stories.


	7. POV Sana : Epilogue

### (Thursday 23 May, 2020, sunset 22:07)

The sun was soon about to set. The day had been very long and hot and Sana had been busy helping with the preparations for the annual Eid party. Her brothers were carrying out more chairs and she was welcoming guest to the backyard together with her parents. Still a little while more until it was time to break the fast.

It was strangely calm although there were so many people gathered there. It was as if the twilight made everybody move slower and talk with softer voices. Or maybe it was the mixture of people, young and old, different backgrounds and religions, or lack thereof. They even had a baby present in the garden. She was being adored and moved from one person to another like a little package.

 

Sana felt how her head and legs were getting tired, so she sat down to watch the people enjoying themselves. It was because of the fasting, she knew it, but it could still remind her of the mental fatigue she often felt since the accident. Eva walked over and joined her by the table. “ **Hi! Where is Julie? Is she asleep somewhere?** ”, Sana asked. “ **I… don’t know. She’s been passed around a bit, but I’m sure I’ll get her back when she’ll start smelling or screaming** ”, she answered. Eva was for sure the most easygoing mother she had ever met, Sana thought.

“ **Oh, there she is. With Yousef. Be careful now, Sana, so he doesn’t get any ideas** ”. Sana looked up and saw how Yousef was showing off his baby-skills in front of Even and her mother. “ **Ha ha, no babies for us in the near future, are you crazy! I’ve already lost one semester** ”, she said. “ **Well, things does not always go as planned. And that’s ok** ”, Eva said.

 

She was right. Things seemed to have worked out fine for Eva, against all odds. Changes did not have to be bad. But for herself, Sana was so happy to be back on track again, to study and she really wanted to finish and be doctor as soon as possible. Babies would just have to wait. Last summer she had been focused on rehab and autumn had been a slow semester for her. She had joined the class that was one semester behind her, it put less pressure on her, gave her the option to study slower, since she had already passed most of the courses and exams anyway. The first milestone of her recovery had been in August when she could enjoy hanging out at a café again, in September she noticed that she could endure a full lecture without feeling empty afterwards and in November she was back playing basketball with others. Not just shooting hoops or playing with just one person at home. She had to do one re-exam in January, but now, she was back on track.

It was difficult to say if the accident had changed her or if she just had adapted new habits due to her earlier symptoms. She relied more on her calendar now, had a new system for writing important things down and she was more sensitive to, or just more aware of, her stress levels. She took signs like headaches, tiredness and irritation more seriously and made sure she took a break or even a nap. She was being kinder to herself and probably a bit kinder towards others as well.

 

“ **I am thinking about taking up dancing again. To get in shape after the pregnancy but also to maybe take it a new level. And maybe... become a dance teacher** ”, Eva told her. “ **I didn’t know that you used to dance** ”, Sana said surprised. “ **Yes, I danced for many years when I was a kid in Bergen. But then I stopped a year after we moved, I got new friends and I have always regretted it a little, that I didn't continue. At the resort on Granka I used to have mini-discos with the kids and some easy Zumba workout sessions too, with adults, and I realised how much I loved it. Not just the dancing but leading a group. Then I got pregnant… but now I think I’m ready to take the next step** ”. Eva seemed both very convinced and a little shy telling her this. Her new plan, her dream. “ **I’m sure you’d make a great dance teacher** ” Sana said encouraging.

 

It hit her that everything that happened under the sun had it’s time. Eva had been carrying this idea during the whole pregnancy and had just waited for the right time to carry it out. First it was Julie’s time to get born i February, although nobody had planned or foreseen it. And the same week it had been Vilde´s mothers time to die, to be relieved from all of her sufferings in this world. Vilde had taken it as a champion, she had initially gotten totally absorbed by planning the funeral and cleaning out the apartment. It was first after, when it was all over, that she realised she was a motherless child now. It made her feel an emptiness and guilty for being away from her mother so much. She cried a lot, but after a few weeks she bounced back. And now, at the party tonight, she was herself again. She was vivid, laughing and joking with Chris, Mutta and Mikael by the staircase.

Chris also seemed very happy. She was seeing a new guy from her human resources management class now, who seemed good for her. Things didn't work out with Mutta once they were back in Norway. He started studying in Lillehammer and longs distance relationship for maybe five years just was not right for them. “ **Every love story is not meant to last forever** ”, Chris had said and been very mature about it. Sana found it difficult to relate to. How could two people be so close, for so long and share so much and then just split up?

 

On her way to the buffé Sana overheard a heated discussion on femininity between Elias and Noora. “ **So you mean that I am less feminine if I don’t want to be a mother?** ”, Noora asked him. “ **No, you are very feminine anyway. I didn’t mean to judge anybody’s personal choice. All I said was that it’s a bit un-feminine for a woman to not want children** ”, Elias said. “ **Ok, but you meant that women who want kids are more feminine and thereby more attractive. While women who don’t want children are less feminine and less attractive** ”, she argued.

William had taken a step back and seemed rather amused, just watching them. “ **Do you agree with him?** ”, Noora asked him. William laughed. “ **I am not getting involved this time** ”, he answered and put his hands up defensively. It was a smart move, to keep his mouth shut. There is a time to be silent and a time to speak up. Good to see that they were friends again.

“ **Sure I find femininity attractive. I’m a man! I find a woman caring for a child very sweet and feminine and attractive. And come on what can be more feminine than a woman with a little baby?** ” Elias said. “ **Well, I don’t know, menstruation is very feminine, for one thing. PMS too** ”, Noora slammed in his face unexpectedly just to provoke. Elias made a queasy face and momentarily lost his focus. “ **Eh… ok. Look, I didn’t say it makes you less of a woman, just a less feminine woman. Beside there are both good and bad aspects of femininity...** ”, Elias continued.

 

Sana tuned out and got herself some of the delicious food. She was hungry and tired and knew that it was best for herself and everybody else if she ate now. Yousef joined her. “ **Hey girl** ”. “ **Hey, you** ”, she said. Him sitting so close to her gave her butterflies in her stomach. She had not seen him much the past two months because he had been in Africa, and ever since he was back, a few days ago, he had that effect on her. Like she could not stop thinking about all the things they had talked about when he was away and that soon they would get married. She had missed him so much, but now his presence, his body, just distracted her. “ **There is a time for that too** ”, she told herself. A time to be apart, to wait and a time to love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was it!  
> I hope you enjoyed this story and I also have some new stories coming up, also about this size, trying to make them not too long.
> 
> I am also thinking a bit about writing something a bit different. “Flash forward” - a series of independent one-chapter short stories that take place maybe 10 years in the future, just everyday situations or short dramas.  
> I’ve started reading classic and contemporary short stories and I really like the format. In a way I see almost every chapter like a short story, just short stories that are connected and can make a bigger picture if you read all of them.
> 
> Maybe someone noticed the inspiration from Ecclesiastes in this epilogue? I thought I’d end with quoting it here.
> 
> Ecclesiastes 3:1-8  
> There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens:  
> a time to be born and a time to die,  
> a time to plant and a time to uproot,  
> a time to kill and a time to heal,  
> a time to tear down and a time to build,  
> a time to weep and a time to laugh,  
> a time to mourn and a time to dance,  
> a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,  
> a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,  
> a time to search and a time to give up,  
> a time to keep and a time to throw away,  
> a time to tear and a time to mend,  
> a time to be silent and a time to speak,  
> a time to love and a time to hate,  
> a time for war and a time for peace.


End file.
